Communication, Confessions of a Sex Educator, Guest Posts, Intimacy and Relationships, Sexuality

The number 1 reason for PAIN involved with SEX Revealed [Guest Post by Myola Woods]

One in Three Women experiences pain during sex. Why is this so … and can we do something about it?

The good news is, we can do something about it. Imagine living in a world where people had sex and felt pleasure and ecstasy – we would be living in a new paradigm.

Here it is, the number 1 reason for painful sex is (insert drum roll)…….

Tension…. ( And no, I don’t mean the good sexy sexual tension )… I mean body tension, mental tension, emotional tension, a spiritual tension of oneself.

When we have tension in our bodies – in simple terms – when our nervous system is in fight and flight, our psoas muscle (along with others) contract, upsetting our digestion, our pelvis and doesn’t send the arousing messages we want…and need in our bodies.

Even if we can get our nervous system to relax, often we have years of tension in our pelvises and genitals. I hear you saying “Myola… please explain!???”

Have you ever had or noticed tension in your neck or shoulders? Our pelvises and genitals are no different as body parts they store tension and in particular, they also have added tension from possibly years of uncomfortable menstruating, birthing, holding, contracting, not to mention if there are trauma and abuse.

With all this built up muscular and body contraction and tension, it can be very difficult to have pleasure or… to even notice pleasure and arousal!!!

All this tension, how do we let it go…

Here are my 5 steps to REMOVING TENSION in and from the body:

  1. Slow down and breath deeply, notice what is happening in your body, are you aware of the tension, where is it? If you bring further attention to your pelvis… what do you notice?
  2. Often the word ‘relax’ does not help, after working with many clients the word ‘soften’ seems to have a better result… try words on for yourself and allowing the body to soften, hmmm asking where else can my body soften? How much more could I soften.
  3. Put your hands on your pelvis / and or genitals and intending to breath into these areas and notice what is happening, what can you notice with your hands and what can you notice from the inside of the body as you are holding it?
  4. Is there anything to be spoken about, often tension is caused because we hold back our emotions, our words, our feelings – the good, the bad and the ugly if not expressed WILL find a way to be stored in the body.  It is not always appropriate or possible to have to speak with an actual person, it is more often important that the body feels and finds a way to express itself.
  5. Ask the body, I know we think the body knows nothing and often we override it and tell it what to do, eat and wear. When we build communication with the body in some of the simplest conversations we build trust and know, we can then move to more crucial topics.  One of the best ways is to ask the body if it is ready for intimacy, sex and penetration, because it is happening either ‘to’ or ‘with’ the body…. Which would YOU prefer?

These steps take practice, they take time, they take slowness to really appreciate our bodies, the messages and how it speaks to and through us.

Many of my clients come to me in pain and they have tried many, many, many ways (that’s lots!) to get out of the pain, for all of them it is a journey of deep self discovery, softening and opening to a new way of being

When most of my new clients come to me, the pleasure was really the last thing on their minds… they just didn’t want pain!… Once the pain was taken care of and in stages, they learned, remembered, enjoyed and looked forward to pleasure as their new ‘normal’.

Pleasure is a paradigm a choice and we can move from PAIN to PLEASURE…..With a whole lotta fun in between!!!

Let’s get started… your transformation begins now!


Myola Woods is an Author, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Somatic Sex Educator and International Intimacy & Relationship Coach.

Myola is a pioneer with courage who bravely speaks about the things that make most of us uncomfortable… Myola will gently lead you out of your comfort zone and into the zone of personal growth and higher self awareness.

Myola specialises in teaching individuals and couples the art of connection, creating and cultivating the choice of arousal, to deepen intimacy, sensation and pleasure … even if it has been a very long time!

As a Sexual being, mother of 4 teenagers and pleasure enthusiast, Myola appreciates the time constraints, daily and social pressures, that can play havoc on our erotic lives. Myola teaches ways to explore and enhance your love making in everyday life. Using techniques and practices that can turn you, and your life, ON.

Take your intimate life from ordinary to extraordinary! Have the orgasms you have read and dreamed about….. YOU deserve them!

So, if you have had enough of mediocre, ready for change and desiring intimacy, connection and arousal, STOP wishing and hoping and START Now! Contact Myola TODAY!. 0423919270

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